Life is Harsh Sometimes

Constant Criticism a Secret Killer 

Written by: Arooj Shahbaz (Lahore, Pakistan)

Do people always picking you or they said that you are oversensitive?

Sometimes you hear people saying that's not what I meant to say but yes you are wrong here or you should look at yourself etc.

All these sentences are manipulative criticism.

 There are many times in our lives when we feel as though something is upsetting us and we want to express it, but there is always an appropriate way to do so.

Sometimes we express it directly, and other times we do so with sardonic remarks.

Additionally, when someone criticizes us, we sometimes fail to listen and do not even let the other person finish their point of view. As a result, our various attempts at critical confrontation frequently escalate into heated arguments.

On the other hand, criticism may be a very effective kind of assertive communication when it is delivered without devaluing the other person as a person, when it does not portray contempt or animosity, and when it is appropriately motivated and offers alternatives.

The critique should be delivered in such a way as to not upset the target, to avoid burying the interlocutor by invoking unwarranted guilt, and to leave open the option of a response.

As a result, we can categories criticism as either constructive, hostile, or manipulative.

Positive, practical, and effective criticism identifies what is incorrect in a constructive or aggressive manner. They are motivated, that is, the "why" that a certain critique was addressed is explained. They are targeted at resolving issues and problems in order to alter an individual's behavior in a particular circumstance, and they are described in concrete terms and with explicit references.

Contrarily, criticisms are aggressive or manipulative when they are made with the more or less clear purpose of harming the other person. An actual manifestation of violence is aggressive criticism; individuals who use it raise their voices, and occasionally physical altercations result. Finally, manipulative criticism might be seen of as a type of internalized aggression that targets the victim. They give the individual the opportunity to avoid disappointing the critic.

The positive criticism though help us grow and develop in life but on the other hand the negative and manipulative criticism can destroy a persons life and even it it is in constant manner.

It can affects a person daily functioning and life in following ways:

•  Effects mental health 
•  Loss of interest in the work
•  Loss hope and Self-Confidence 
•  Oversensitivity to each event 
•  Self-Defeating Behaviors
•  Self-hatred

So in my point of view it is very necessary to keep many things in mind before saying anything to someone you never know how much efforts he/she is putting into his/her work how much he/she suffers in his/her life.

You never know how he/she came so far so remember before criticizing someone that might she need your help or motivation not the criticism and if you can't praise him/her so you have no right to criticize him/her and if you want do it in a right way.

"Encourage others; the world already has a lot of naysayers".